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3 hours ago, garimpo said:

     OKLAHOMA

A guy from Oklahoma passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14. 

Follower of Islam ?  LOL

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A new law was recently passed in Oklahoma . When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins 

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A guy walks into a bar in Oklahoma and orders a mudslide. 

The bartender looks at the man and says, "You ain't from 'round here are ya?"
 
"No," replies the man, "I'm from Tennessee "

The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya  do in Tennessee ?"
 
"I'm a taxidermist," said the man.
 
The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, "What  in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist? 

"The man says, "I mount animals" 

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar.. "It's okay boys, he's one of us!" 
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My old Toyota tried this on it's own a few months back, didn't work out this well. The entire wheel assembly 

came off the axle. Not a pretty site. This 1927 technology would be great. 

https://mail.uol.com.br/attachment?msg_id=MTQ4Mjky&ctype=Parking+Problem+Solved1.mp4&disposition=attachment&folder=INBOX&attsize=4904786&content_id=&accountId=0

Have to wait for it to download, then open it. 

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12 hours ago, garimpo said:

My old Toyota tried this on it's own a few months back, didn't work out this well. The entire wheel assembly came off the axle. Not a pretty site. This 1927 technology would be great.

https://mail.uol.com.br/attachment?msg_id=MjY4NDM&ctype=Parking+Problem+Solved1.mp4&disposition=attachment&folder=TRASH&attsize=4904786&content_id=&accountId=0

Ok Skip this is the link address I copied it and pasted it here. It works for me but I have to wait for the download that shows at the bottom left corner of my screen. It takes a minute or so to download and then my setting is for it to open when it finishes the download. It works for me. 

Don, nothing happened when I clicked on the link other than going to a webpage and having this up in the top left corner.......

"Anexo não encontrado"...

Which translates too.....

"Attachment not Found"

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3 hours ago, Au Seeker said:

Don, nothing happened when I clicked on the link other than going to a webpage and having this up in the top left corner.......

"Anexo não encontrado"...

Which translates too.....

"Attachment not Found"

What's happening here is that Don is copying right from his web email. That's not really a possibility like it would be if he was downloading his email to his computer. He's only copying the links to the attached image. We can't see the images linked to because webmail would be insecure if everybody could see your email without signing in.

For Don to make this work he needs to download the email image attachment and copy/paste the image from his computer - not from the webmail page. It depends on his email provider how he would download the attached image from the web page but the simplest solution would probably be to drag the image to his desktop. If that doesn't work right clicking on the image in his email and choosing "download" will probably do the trick.

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Hi Clay, I downloaded the site, then clicked copy the link address. Then pasted it here, it works for me but it's not fast. 

On my computer the download shows at the bottom of the screen, then when the download is finished it starts to play or I can click play. The name of the link is parking problem MP4.

WHEW!

Thanks for the help. 

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A Oklahoma State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?" 

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The Costco Doctor
 
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like heck.I guss I'd better see a doctor." 
  
Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample, and the computer will tell you  what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - a lot cheaper than a doctor."
 
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample
He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
 
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
 
You have tennis elbow.  Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.  
It will improve in two weeks.  Thank you for shopping @ Costco.
 
 That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. 
  
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure. 
  
Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results.  He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. 
 
The computer prints the following: 
  
1. Your tap water is too hard.  Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
 
2. Your dog has ringworm.  Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
 
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit.  Get her into rehab.
 
4. Your wife is pregnant.  Twins.  They aren't yours.  Get a lawyer.
 
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
 
Thank you for shopping @ Costco!
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I did it, video above of Tues. Blood lettin.

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A big hard blood clot from the surgery in Aug. when they removed my gall bladder. 

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My god Don your one tough ol'sob for sure. Man alive that bus ride would kill me alone...Take care and heal up and go get ya some......gold that is-John

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Lessee -- Here that would cost around 20 grand as hospital out patient surgery if ya have insurance, more than that with or without insurance at a doc-in-a-box or 4 - 5 grand or so without insurance if yer lucky enough to have an actual family Dr who's willing to find and/or take the time to do it in his office..

There ya probably got change back from a Franklin..
Welll, it is 2017 -- so change from two Franklin's..

Heal quick, Don..

Swamp

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The Oklahoma Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them. 

RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Jack Daniels every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally. 

AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.

RANCHER: That would be me.
 
 
 
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                                         NO SEX AFTER SURGERY

A recent article in the San Francisco Examiner reported that Nancy Pelosi has sued Stanford 

Hospital, saying that "after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex." 

A hospital spokesman replied: " your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did 

was correct his eyesight."

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                                              HOW DOES SHE DO THIS

http://mail.uol.com.br/attachment?msg_id=NDIzMTM&ctype=VID-20170430-WA0004.mp4&disposition=attachment&content_id=<38c4c8ea-8268-e262-f057-d521deb211bd%40yahoo.com>&folder=JUNK&attsize=10573114&content_id=<38c4c8ea-8268-e262-f057-d521deb211bd@yahoo.com>&accountId=0

After clicking the link wait a minute or so and watch the video load at the 

bottom left corner of your screen. When it's finished loading it will open. 

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Links not working for Me. ""Anexo não encontrado""

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Homey "Anexo não encontrado""" is "attachment not found". it's Portuguese. 

When you clicked the link did you look at the bottom left corner of your screen to see it downloading? It takes a 

minute or so. 

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On 11/27/2017 at 8:13 PM, garimpo said:

 Sorry folks, now it won't open for me either. Wish I knew how to delete the whole mess. 

I get the same as Homie and waited several minutes and no download.

I tried both of the links several times in both of your posts, same results.

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Then president, Bill and Hillary were at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them.
One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.
At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no".
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."
Bill hesitates, but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it.
Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly baby."
With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you"!$#@&!". The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up and down, cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd.
He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that; I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"

> Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.

> The agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first 'pitch'.."
 
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The Redhead
 
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there’s a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.  He’s been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.   Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
 
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it  up to you," she says.
 
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap.
 
They had a wonderful time.  He stays for breakfast.  The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
 
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
 
"No," she replies. . ."You just happened to catch my eye."
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What's the definition of irreconcilable differences?

When she's melting down her wedding ring to cast it into a bullet.
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