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This thought is for you and me HJ:

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

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On 7/6/2016 at 0:02 PM, garimpo said:

This thought is for you and me HJ:

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

 

4 hours ago, Hoser John said:

or chicks :th:try try try and lookn' to try yet again....hahahahaha John

Twice was plenty for me, HJ.. With me, as far as marriage goes at least, I get the feeling I'm more from the school of "Third On A Match" than I am "Third Time's A Charm.." :idunno:

The lady I'm presently with has outlasted both my marriages combined by nearly a factor of three.. I totally attribute this to the fact we've never officially 'moved in together'.. Keeping two cribs going turns out being a not bad expense at times when the other side of the house isn't nearly far enough away for anywhere near long enough either.. :3ztzsjm:

The end result (so far) keeps being much better than one of the possibilities Don notes.. If yer counting on collectables you acquired pre 'my pick-up line actually worked' as being a portion of your nest egg I highly recommend never letting the spouse know which ones are the really rare items vs the ones that simply fill out a catalog, cos if she ever deceides to leave yer 'sorry azz' guess what else will be leaving along with her..?

Everyone's perception on marriage is different I suppose, especially when it's another one later in life.. With this and the above in mind, I too will leave y'all with a saying -- its having to do with thinking you can even the score by turning the tables: The man who marries for money, earns it.. :th:

Swamp

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Thank god for prenups, but now even they are being hotly contested. I'm just lookn' for a good woman, who has lost a good man, and wants yet another. AND I believe it's about time I get to play with someone elses toys as sic and tired of others taking mine, leaving me all the kids, and pzzzzzzng off all my cash stolen also...sic sic sic :old: John

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A Canadian Is Drinking In A New York Bar .... 
 
He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. 
 
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canadian just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy." 
 
Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. 
 
Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar. 
 
The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you...  so how much does he weigh now?" 
 
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." 
 
The bartender is puzzled & concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born." 
 
The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson Canadian, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender & proudly says, "Had him circumcised".
 
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After an hour of gathering up his courage, a shy guy finally approaches the hot girl at the end of the bar.. "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while..?"

She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig..!"

Everyone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table..

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.. She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you.. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations.."

To which the guy shouts, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ..?"

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                                   For people who love their dogs!

 

Dog peeves about humans:
 
1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all !!!
 
2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
 
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
 
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
 
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
 
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo, what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
 
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
 
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.  Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
 
9. Dog sweaters. Hello ???, Haven't you noticed the fur?
 
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
 
Now lay off me on some of these thing's, We both know who's boss here !!! (you don't see me picking up your poop do you ) ???
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A woman was playing golf  when she took a big swing and fell.

 
The party waiting behind her was a group from Washington, DC that included Barack Obama.

 
Barack quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet.

 
She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, "I'm Barack Obama and I hope you'll vote Democratic in the next election.

 
She laughed and quickly said, "I fell on my ass, not my head."

 

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A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool..

The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy..?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.."

The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served.. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking..?

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have.."

Feeling a surge of empathy, the bartender asks, "What do you have pal..?"

The man sighs and replies, "I have two dollars and twenty-eight cents.."

Edited by Swampstomper Al
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What the Fire Chief Said! 
 
In South Los Angeles , a 4-plex home was destroyed by a fire.

 

 A Mexican family of six, all welfare recipients and gang members, lived on the first floor.  They died.

 

An Islamic group of seven welfare cheats, all illegally in the country from Kenya, lived on the second floor.  They, too, all perished.

 

Six LA, Hispanic, gang bangers & ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor.

 They, too, died.

 


A white couple lived on the top floor.

 The couple survived the fire.

 

 Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious!!   They
flew into LA and met with the fire chief. On camera, they loudly demanded to know why blacks, Muslims and Hispanics all died in the fire and why only the white couple lived

 

 The Fire Chief said, "They were at work."

 

 
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On Training ...
 
A guy meets a childhood pal. "What are you doing for yourself these days?"
  
"I'm a fireman," his old friend replies.
  
"Yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman," says the guy.
  
"Well," says his friend, "if you want some good advice, you've got to install a pole in your house that will go to the basement so your kid can practice, because the hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night."
  
Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again.
  
"Well, did your son become a fireman?"
  
"No," moans the guy, "but my daughter is a stripper."
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Yesterday being a lazy Sunday I decided to file some paper work I've been putting off. Found some of my airline ticket stubs from my May visit to Okla. They reminded me of my arrival from San Paulo, Brazil after a 11 hour flight to Houston, TX. Many times in the past I read where people get upset over the TSA scanning where I guess the machine more or less has X-ray vision and strips away your clothes.

As usual I went through the metal detector after placing all my "stuff" in the tray for it's travel through the X-ray machine. As soon as my feet cleared the metal detector one of the TSA agents halted me and told me to turn to my left. I turned and saw a few feet in front of me was a TSA lady telling me and also showing me the position for all my body parts she wanted another machine to examine. 

Didn't feel a thing and at least when I was told to proceed to collect my "stuff" at least I didn't hear any giggles! I firmly believe that some people have to find something daily to bitch about. 

TIP: Before leaving your house for the airport read your airline rules, comply and I guarantee you'll have no problems. 

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It's been well over 15 years since I've been on an aeroplane, and unless there's an extraodinary reason I will never set foot in another..

The year was 1999.. I'd driven a car from FL to one of my kids in Baltimore.. It was to be a quick up-and-back thing, so as soon as I knew what day and times worked for everyone I got an one-way non-stop tix back.. Couldn't fly out of Balt at the time I wanted though, so needed to jet from D.C..

I'd gone through whatever security was in place pre 9/11 when a nicely dressed guy picks up off the conveyor the little gym bag I had along and asks me if I mind "stepping over here for a minute.." I say 'no problem' and also ask him what's up..? "Spot check," he replies..

It wasn't until much later, months in fact, that I realized what actually went down.. I'd either just read or just seen a news piece on profiling in airports.. "Click," went the light bulb..

There I am, heading toward boarding security.. Been awake at least 30 hours by this point, eyes most likely all bulging out from wayyy too mucho kawphy, hair all curly & frizzed from a zippity soap bar shampoo with no conditioner at my son's while wearing a brand new still-neatly-creased in all the wrong places entirely-too-large KISS concert-only T-shirt from their Las Vegas stop.. And lest we forget, doing so on an one-way ticket with total luggege consisting of a smaller-than-briefcase-size gym bag.. Spot check my arse; I'd been profiled..

But wait..! What's wrong with this picture..? Two things immediately come to mind: First is although I am flying on an one-way ticket it isn't like I had just bought it for cash at the counter; it was a pre-purchase paid for with a credit card.. Secondly I'm flying out of D.C. into FL, not vice-versca.. What could I possibly be smuggling going that-a-way..? Intelligence..? HAR..! Cuban cigars..? Gimme a break..

The only thing that even remotely makes any sense would be my little carry-on jammed full of cash, which the scanner would have shown to not be the case.. But nooo, this guy, whoever he was and whoever he worked for, just had to stick his face into my clearly non-threatening business based, in retrospect on my part, solely on my outward appearance.. That was and still is illegal in this country, right..?

Which is why it gave me even greater satisfaction long after the fact than it did at the time to once again remember the look on that guy after he unzipped and stuck his puss into a gym bag's worth of 900-miles-just-driven pair of socks, underwear and T-shirt.. Let's profile THAT expression, bro.. :WOW: :th::laught16:

Swamp

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                        This is not the answer but the reason!

 

This is worth reading, however it will upset you.
 
All of a sudden....Seven Short Years Have Passed!
 
Before Obama there was virtually no outlandish presence of Islam in America.
 
 
• All of a sudden, Islam is taught in schools. Christianity and the bible are banned in schools.
 
• All of a sudden we must allow prayer rugs everywhere and allow for Islamic prayer in schools, airports and businesses.
 
• All of a sudden we must stop serving pork in prisons.
 
• All of a sudden we are inundated with law suits by Muslims who are offended by American culture.
 
• All of a sudden we must allow burkas to be worn everywhere even though you have no idea who or what is covered up under them.
 
• All of a sudden Muslims are suing employers and refusing to do their jobs if they personally deem it conflicts with Sharia Law.
 
• All of a sudden the Attorney General of the United States vows to prosecute anyone who engages in "anti-Muslim speech".
 
• All of a sudden, Jihadists who engage in terrorism and openly admit they acted in the name of Islam and ISIS, are emphatically declared they are NOT Islamic by our leaders and/or their actions are determined NOT to be terrorism, but other nebulous terms like 'workplace violence."
 
• All of a sudden, it becomes Policy that Secular Middle East dictators that were benign or friendly to the West, must be replaced by Islamists and the Muslim Brotherhood.
 
• All of a sudden our troops are withdrawn from Iraq and the middle east, giving rise to ISIS.
 
• All of a sudden, America has reduced its nuclear stockpiles to 1950 levels, as Obama 's stated goal of a nuke -free America by the time he leaves office continues uninterrupted.
 
• All of a sudden, a deal with Iran must be made at any cost, with a pathway to nuclear weapons and HUNDREDS of BILLIONS of dollars handed over to fund their programs.
 
• All of a sudden America APOLOGIZES to Muslim states and sponsors of terror worldwide for acts of aggression, war and sabotage THEY perpetrate against our soldiers.
 
• All of a sudden, the American Navy is diminished to 1917 Pre -World War I levels of only 300 ships. The Army is at pre -1940 levels. The Air Force scraps 500 planes and planned to retire the use of the A-10 
Thunderbolt close air support fighter.  A further draw down of another 40,000 military personnel is in progress.
 
• All of a sudden half of our aircraft carriers are recalled for maintenance by Obama rendering the Atlantic unguarded, NONE are in the Middle East.
 
• All of a sudden Obama has to empty Guantanamo Bay of captured Jihadists and let them loose in Jihad -friendly Islamic states.  He demands to close the facility.
 
• All of a sudden America will negotiate with terrorists and trade FIVE Taliban commanders for a deserter and Jihad sympathizer .
 
• All of a sudden there is no money for American poor, disabled veterans, jobless Americans, hungry Americans, or displaced Americans but there is endless money for Obama 's " Syrian refugee" resettlement  
programs.
 
• All of sudden there is an ammunition shortage in the USA.
 
• All of a sudden, the most important thing for Obama to do after a mass shooting by two Jihadists , is disarm American Citizens.
 
• All of a sudden, the President of the United States cannot attend the Christian Funerals of a Supreme Court Justice and a former First Lady because of previous (seemingly unimportant) commitments.
 
 
All of a sudden, I’m sick to my stomach.  I’m not sure the majority of Americans recognize the seriousness of the situation and how much “progress” has been made by Islam these last 7 years, a very brief time compared to a 75 year lifetime!
 
If you agree, be strong enough to at least forward this to a few friends
 
 
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It's impossible to be a Muslim and a American.  Islam is NOT a Religion.
 Islam IS a Totalitarian Political System Based and Backed on Fear, Death, Intimidation and Brain Washing the Uneducated.
 Ban Islam our Enemy.

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                                          Insanity or a big pair at 25,000 feet!

I've spent days at 25,000 feet but in a airplane and you can't even recognize a 

house or car and the grand canyon is difficult to make out from the surrounding 

landscape. So how do you find a fish net stretched between four poles? 

Luck, faith or a good GPS? I don't give a hoot how it's done but this guy did it!

http://video.foxnews.com/v/5066110162001/leap-of-faith-skydiver-jumps-from-plane-without-parachute/?#sp=show-clips

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I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane ONCE. Had a great chute plus backup and a 3rd unit, Last Chance parachute prototype, that was being tested. Never again no way Jose,not even paragliding anymore. Silly ol'man needs no more problems. BUT that fella has amazing testiculiar fortitude for sure...or crazy like a fox as $$$$$$$$$$$$ will flow-John

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 Pokemon is just a game:evil1:( not) http://journal-neo.org/2016/07/29/pokemon-go-the-cia-totalitarianism-and-the-future-of-surveillance/  for "zombie" realtime,  streaming videographers, controlled by the alphabet agency of your choice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLdZKAgxoMQ

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