Jump to content
Nugget Shooter Forums

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.8k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Why Southern California is Different From The Rest of America   You may have heard on the news about a southern California man put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found

NO SEX AFTER SURGERY A recent article in the San Francisco Examiner reported that Nancy Pelosi has sued Stanford  Hospital, saying that "after her husband had surgery there, he lost all inte

Cowboy at the Pearly Gates A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowbo

Posted Images

Seat In Church

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was
sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling
each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly
Cowboy who sat calmly in his pew without moving,
seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate
enemy was in his presence..

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you
know who I am?'

The old cowboy replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the cowboy.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one
word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned
the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound,
Horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked
Satan.

'Nope,' said the old cowboy.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why
aren't you afraid of me?'

The old cowboy calmly replied,

'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'

Link to post
Share on other sites

The preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed.
He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week."

Link to post
Share on other sites

Irish blonde...

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, .. but all men...are men!

Link to post
Share on other sites

THE PARABLE OF THE JEWISH SAMURAI
A man for our time:

Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly.
He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."

The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.

"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"

The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."

"Dead?" replied the Jewish Samurai. “Dead is easy ~ but circumcised?"
--

Link to post
Share on other sites

Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible...

Find it here: Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt..."

Link to post
Share on other sites

9 Months Later...

Bob decided to go golfing with his buddy, Ray.

So they loaded up Bob's minivan and headed out.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible thunder storm.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive

lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,'she explained. 'I'm afraid

the neighbours will talk if I let

you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Bob said, 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of golfing.

But about nine months later, Bob got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had

met on the golf weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Ray and asked, 'Ray, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' said Ray

'Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Ray said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her MY name instead of telling her your name?'

Ray's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'


________________________

* And you thought the ending would be little bit different, didn't you?...You know you smiled.. now keep that smile for the rest of the day!


--

Link to post
Share on other sites

Father O'Malley

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning.

It was a fine spring day in his new parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed

there was . ... a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a donkey

lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the

matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he would

have a little fun with the good father, replied,

"Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a moment . .. . . . . ...

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,' tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first,

which is the reason for me call." :ROFL:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Want an interesting job? Gynecologists Assistant Job Opening

A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Conroe, Texas, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read, "The job entails getting the ladies

ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private

regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's

examination.

The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings, Montana

"Good grief, is that's where the job is?

"No, Sir. That is where the end of the line is right now."

Link to post
Share on other sites

tourdefrance.jpg

The world's most famous bike race. The "R" in "Tour" is a cyclist.

The yellow circle is the front wheel of a bicycle, the "O" is the back wheel.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The U does not look friendly

Link to post
Share on other sites

THE 'Y' CHROMOSOME

People born before 1946 are called - The Greatest Generation.

People born between 1946 and 1964 are called - The Baby Boomers.

People born between 1965 and 1979 are called - Generation X.

And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called -Generation Y.

Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?

Y should I get a job?

Y should I leave home and find my own place?

Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?

Y should I clean my room?

Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?

Y should I buy any food?

But perhaps a cartoonist explained it most eloquently below...

Y.jpg

Just thought you might want to know "Y"

Link to post
Share on other sites

Glad you finally got a LIKE button!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.


×
×
  • Create New...