Weird $tuff

[Au Seeker 3,062]

I have seen that before, I don't know why we don't have the same policy here in the USA!!!

The only way you can be a victim, is to be undefended, or be surprised, I would rather be surprised, but being aware of your surrounding you will less likely be surprised, if your undefended your on the short end of the stick aware or not.

Skip

[Mike Furness 1,510]

The last words on that video are the truest words spoken. "the tools to that are guns!" Meaning the tools for that guys freedoms are guns! Here! Here!

I didn't know that about Switzerland ... I thought all of Europe had strict gun controls! And how about ammo being passed out by the Government for the target event ... now there is a better use of funds! Have the people defend themselves and the crime rate as well as the bill for government protection of the people will be less! Just my :twocents: worth for the morning.

Mike F

[garimpo 2,268]

Skid marks & rope burns!!!!

BAGHDAD — Iraq's government spokesman says Saddam Hussein's notorious cousin "Chemical Ali" was executed Monday about a week after being sentenced to death for the poison gas attacks that killed more than 5,000 Kurds in 1988...

[garimpo 2,268]

Airport Security

Why spend millions on hi-tech 'full-body' scanners for every airport?

Surely it would be cheaper to just have a hostess at the check-in, handing out bacon on cocktail

sticks. Anyone who doesn't eat it doesn't fly. Simple.

Gets rid of the vegetarians into the bargain.

[garimpo 2,268]

Finally found out the source of ALL my computer problems...

[ron l. 0]

hey mike, thanks much for the link to the oldies, fantastic

garimpo thank you and everyone else for putting some great stuff on hear. very much appriciated, again, thanks much. ron

[garimpo 2,268]

The Purina Diet...in case you missed it the last time....

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow

for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line

when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have

little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was

starting the Purina Diet again...I added that I probably shouldn't,

because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50

pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out

of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that

it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply

eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally

complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to

mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with

my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog

food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a

car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was

laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the

world to think of crazy things to say.

Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends.......it will be

their laugh for the day.

[garimpo 2,268]

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up

onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'arthritis.'

[garimpo 2,268]

A Cool piece of history

Starting in 1941, an increasing number of British Airmen found

themselves as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the

Crown was casting about for ways and means to facilitate their escape..

Now obviously, one of the most helpful aids to that end is a useful and

accurate map, one showing not only where stuff was, but also

showing the locations of 'safe houses' where a POW on-the-lam could go for

food and shelter.

Paper maps had some real drawbacks -- they make a lot of noise when

you open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and if they get wet,

they turn into mush.

Someone in MI-5 (similar to America 's OSS ) got the idea of printing

escape maps on silk. It's durable, can be scrunched-up into tiny wads,

and unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever.

At that time, there was only one manufacturer in Great Britain that

had perfected the technology of printing on silk, and that was John

Waddington, Ltd. When approached by the government, the firm was

only too happy to do its bit for the war effort.

By pure coincidence, Waddington was also the U.K. Licensee for the

popular American board game, Monopoly. As it happened, 'games and

pastimes' was a category of item qualified for insertion into 'CARE

packages', dispatched by the International Red Cross to prisoners of

war.

Under the strictest of secrecy, in a securely guarded and inaccessible

old workshop on the grounds of Waddington's, a group of

sworn-to-secrecy employees began mass-producing escape maps, keyed to

each region of Germany or Italy where Allied POW camps were regional

system).. When processed, these maps could be folded into such tiny

dots that they would actually fit inside a Monopoly playing piece.>

As long as they were at it, the clever workmen at Waddington's also

managed to add:

1. A playing token, containing a small magnetic compass

2. A two-part metal file that could easily be screwed together

3. Useful amounts of genuine high-denomination German, Italian, and

French currency, hidden within the piles of Monopoly money!

British and American air crews were advised, before taking off on

their first mission, how to identify a 'rigged' Monopoly set -- by

means of a tiny red dot, one cleverly rigged to look like an ordinary

printing glitch, located in the corner of the Free Parking square.

Of the estimated 35,000 Allied POWS who successfully escaped, an

estimated one-third were aided in their flight by the rigged Monopoly

sets.. Everyone who did so was sworn to secrecy indefinitely, since

the British Government might want to use this highly successful ruse

in still another, future war. The story wasn't declassified until

2007, when the surviving craftsmen from Waddington's, as well as the

firm itself, were finally honored in a public ceremony.

It's always nice when you can play that 'Get Out of Jail' Free' card!

[Terry Soloman 898]

One more thing I've learned from you Garimpo :whoope: - Thank You! - Terry

[garimpo 2,268]

A romantic lesson for Valentine's.....

THE BLACK BRA....................

I had lunch with two of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been

married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships, and decided

to amaze our men by greeting them at the door

wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went:

My engaged friend:

The other night when my boyfriend came

over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall

stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are

The woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made

passionate love all night long.

The Mistress:

Me, too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I, too, was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.

When he came in the door and saw me he said,

"What's for dinner,Batman?

[VegasRocker 0]

"What's for dinner,Batman?

:yuk-yuk: :hahaha: :lol:

Thanks Mr. G......my wife and I had a good laugh at this one!!!!

[garimpo 2,268]

Blonde Phone Call

"Hi Mom, How are you?"

"Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware"

"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call"

"What happened?"

"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head."

"What on earth ~ why did you do that ?????"

"Well it wasn't my fault.

Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."

[garimpo 2,268]

Some people never learn how bad smoking is for your health...

[garimpo 2,268]

Quickie

A Right Wing Republican checked into a motel, and said to the desk clerk: "I hope the porn channel

in my room is disabled."

"No," she said, "it's just regular porn, you sick ba$tard."

[garimpo 2,268]

For Largo...Happy Birthday...

Wisdom Comes With Age

This guy is 70 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one..

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I' ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

With age comes wisdom...(sometimes)

[VegasRocker 0]

The Air Crew

While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I..s on board the usual

information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.

Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew

take you safely to Afghanistan '

An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself,

'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? '

When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'

'Yes,'! said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'

'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think

with only women up there in the cockpit.'

'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member,

'We No Longer Call It The Cockpit' ........... 'It's The Box Office.' B)

[garimpo 2,268]

Yea V.R.....nice pic...it's been around now for quite awhile...first time I saw it they

said they were flying a KC-135 tanker...the instrument panel and flight deck.aka "cock-pit" aka "box

office"is for a plane with four engines..just don't know which AC...I once had a female Capt. on

one of my flights to UAE during "desert storm"...we flew from Travis AFB in CA. to United Arab

Emerants...she was a good crew member...good person...good pilot and I told her so but also added

I was better...she said prove it...I did on the next landing at Wright Patterson AFB..scared the

$hit out of her...good memories...

[garimpo 2,268]

[garimpo 2,268]

In Aceh Indonesia, Islamic police take to the streets

Islamic police in Aceh, Indonesia, patrol daily for women wearing tight clothes and unmarried couples sitting too close.

Sharia police in Banda Aceh, Indonesia, reprimand two women for wearing trousers that they regard as too tight, in December 2009. The police unit, called the "Wilayatul Hisbah", patrolled the beach to look for unmarried couples, Muslim women without headscarves or those wearing tight clothes, and people drinking alcohol or gambling.

[garimpo 2,268]

THE INTERNET IN FLORIDA

WHO SAYS THE SENIORS IN FLORIDA DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE USE OF THE INTERNET?

FOXY LADY - KINGS POINT:

Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT - BOCA TEECA:

Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem

SERENITY NOW: - CENTURYVILLAGE-LYONS ROAD :

I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE - Tamarac

Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? - Boca Lago

I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes

MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THIS - Sunrise

I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

IN MINT CONDITION - DELRAY BEACH

Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well

[garimpo 2,268]

This came from a Marine's wife. It says it all:

I sat, as did millions of Other Americans,

And watched as the government under went a

Peaceful transition of power a few months ago..

At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism

While Barack Obama took his Oath of office

However, all that pride

Quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Marines,

In full dress uniform with rifles,

Fire a 21-gun salute to the President.

It was then that I realized how far

America 's Military had deteriorated.

Every darn one of them missed the ba$taRd.

[garimpo 2,268]

The 5 Riddles....

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I HAVE SEEN.... THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM. RIDDLE #5 IS AMAZING. IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER 'S FOR YEARS!

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between

three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of

assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that

haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water

for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later

they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.

How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray

when you throw it away?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words

Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly

you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary

and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact,

nothing is wrong with it. It is highly unusual though. Study it

and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if

you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any

coaching!

THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE OF THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:

1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right?

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.

4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

5. The letter 'e', which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

[garimpo 2,268]

Anybody care to guess who's going to win this tug-of-war match?

[garimpo 2,268]

You want fast??...here it is!!

http://mikrokopter.de/ucwiki/VideoAbspielen?id=188