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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry...

How soon can I go home?'

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"Witnessing the Republicans and the Democrats bicker over the U.S. debt is like

watching two drunks argue over a bar bill on the Titanic."

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Some people have no respect for a good Kodak moment....instead they just steal the show...

post-300-0-14773600-1317339345_thumb.jpg

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A Kodak moment for the entire family...post-300-0-58059200-1317670521_thumb.jpg

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Happy Halloween!

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,

We have TRIED our very BEST.

Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.

Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co.

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Why we shoot deer in the wild (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold..

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope .., and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ..... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God... An Educated Farmer

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Maybe that's why we have not heard from BB for awhile? ? ?

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Maybe that's why we have not heard from BB for awhile? ? ?

I think I just peed on myself..

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That was a well written story, I could see the whole event happening in my mind's eye, he must be left handed because I'm sure it would be hard to write that story with the tendons all torn up in his right wrist!!! :tisk-tisk:

I know that Bob has a rifle so I'm not to sure that is what has happened to him, but you never know I could see him trying that hopefully with better success. :brows:

Skip

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The cattle stood there and enjoyed every moment of it!!!

Actually that brings to mind many of my adventures/mishaps as a prospector---wonder if anyone would want to share those stories.

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I had this idea that I could rope a deer! :hahaha: :hahaha: :hahaha: :hahaha: :hahaha: :hahaha: That one single line put me on the floor in uncontrolable, side splitting laughter, by the time I was able to finish this story, I has wet myself. This story is absolutely, incredibly, unbelievably, silly. I'm dyin here! Thanx Don, now I git to go change my pants!

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The grand-pa to my two sons that are Okies through and through and have lived in Okla. all their lives, did

almost the same thing once upon a time...let it be known that it was their grand-pa on their mothers side of

the family....

He shot a deer with his lever action 30-30 and the bullet broke both front legs of the deer...just broken bone

sticking out and the deer was trying to run on the bones :sickbyc: folks back then didn't waste ammo so gramp's

laid down his Winchester and took out his skinning knife to cut the deers throat...

First mistake he made was when he jumped on the deers back and grabbed his antlers with his left hand and

had his knife in his right hand to do the cutting....like in the story above the deer exploded....gramp's all of a

sudden had a face full of deer antlers...dropped his knife....hanging on to the antlers for dear life while the

deer did a somersault backwards and gramp's is now on the ground....with the deer jumping up and down

on top of him with the two bony front legs....said he could feel the bones digging in deep with each jump so

he started crawling and trying to get up....each time he was almost on his feet bent forward the deer would

jump on his back and knock him down to be stomped again....

Lucky for gramp's he shot the deer out close to the barn where the cattle feeder was...about 100 yards from

the house...half way to the house was their big open well with the rope and pulley attached to the wooden

beam....gramp's made it to the well....bloody from head to knees screaming for Ma...then he grabs both

well ropes and JUMPS IN.....

Grand-ma was one of those old time women that always wore her hair in a big knot in the back of her head...

a long cotton dress and never without her apron....she came out the door....down the porch steps to see

what gramp's was screaming about and she had a broom in her hand....

The deer took one look at grand-ma and charged her....she threw the broom at the deer...missed and she

ran up the steps into the house and slammed the wooden door shut....by now the deer was on the porch

making all kinds of noises so granny opens one of the windows....houses then had wood windows....

and blows that deer off the porch with gramps 12 Ga. double barrel shotgun....

Granny later said that gramps then pulled himself up out of the well with the ropes....leaned on the rocks

around the top of the well and asked her in a shaky voice "is that demon dead"?

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Gramps told me that story about ten years after it happened while we were sitting on the same rocks around

the top of that well....here's the UTM location of the farm house...bad image and it's changed some in the 40+

years since I was there...

15S273737.62mE 3855820.26mN

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post-300-0-76457600-1319232690_thumb.jpg

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of a

all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a

weekend trip to New Orleans

The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and

the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up,

having a great time, when one of them realized she

hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She

decided to go up and investigate..

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the

Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road,

clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles..

The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here?

We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard

and whispered.

'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!

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Barbara from Harlem knows how to rant.....

  • Like 1

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I went to watch the video and it stopped only seconds into it and wouldn't continue and now that link go to another story/video not related to this incident, the strange thing is that the title is stiil on the top of the page ....

"Wife of Jailed U.S. Border Agent Speaks Out"

so I did a search and on several other sites it was the same, no video of this story, I found this link that still has the video.

http://xfinity.comca...fanNews/newest/

I can't help but wonder if the government had something to do with it not being shown!!

It's funny that there wasn't any problem until the Mexican Consulate wrote the letter demand something be done, the illegal didn't complain or ask for medical attention until this happen, I'm guessing the drug cartels have insiders in the Mexican Consulate!!!!

But why isour Government is taking sides with an illegal not to mention one that was breaking our laws and smuggling drug is the biggest question of all!!!

Skip

I believe your right Skip...I took the link right off FoxNews...I've run into this before where a link even on

FoxNews no longer works....

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News Flash

It was announced today that Buckwheat, of “Our Gang” fame, has converted to the Muslim faith and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.

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