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USAMA BIN LADEN'S HEADSTONE.....GO SEALS

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Quote of the year..

"Thanking Obama for killing Bin Laden is like going into McDonalds and thanking Ronald McDonald for the hamburger.

It's the guy cooking the burger that should get the credit, not the clown."

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Hello Kaimi....here's one for Sister...

Holy Communion

Being a new pastor to an aging congregation, I told them I

would be serving them prune juice in Holy Communion. When asked why

I would dare entertain such a thought, I said, "If the Holy Spirit

won't move you..the prune juice will!"

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McDonalds greatest ad....

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The Mormon and The Irishman

The Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight

from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders

were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which

was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would

like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely

raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the

attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a

choice."

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The Mormon and The Irishman

The Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight

from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders

were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which

was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would

like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely

raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the

attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a

choice."

:hahaha: :hahaha: :whoope: :unsure: :hahaha: :hahaha: :wubu:

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G'Day Everyone

British Gentlemen :hahaha:

Cheers

Johnno

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Morning all...Johnno I see your still in good form...

Moms in therapy:

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young

mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.

You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again,

it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too

shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little

boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea

what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and

go get dinner.

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He didn't get to the mom with the daughter GOLDIE??

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With Father's Day less than two weeks away, I thought I'd help out those who need gift ideas for the men in their lives. Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as women would think. The helpful insights provided below will show you that it's actually easier than it is for us guys to shop for women. If you follow these rules, you should have no problems.

Rule #1:

When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. One man owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. For that matter any power tool is a good choice. He may not need it or know what it does, but it will look good hanging on the peg board in the garage. No one knows why.

Rule #2:

If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word "ratchet" or "socket" in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By the way, are you done with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:

If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer, or something to hang from his rear view mirror would be just perfect. Men love gifts for their cars.

Rule #4:

Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. It has been said that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, He wouldn't have allowed someone to invent Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:

You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy him a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips. Forget the program — your entertainment will be watching him have fun!

Rule #6:

Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. You get the idea. Again, no one knows why.

Rule #7:

Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of aftershave or deodorant. Men do not stink — they are earthy.

Rule #8:

Never buy a man anything whose packaging contains the phrases "some assembly required" or "read the enclosed instructions". It will ruin his special day, and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #9:

Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter that he doesn't know what the gift is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks!"

Rule #10:

Men enjoy danger. That's why they will barbecue. Get a man a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh, the thrill! The challenge! Anyone want a hamburger?"

Rule #11:

Tickets to a professional sporting event (any team within 300 miles) are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective on 19th Century Porcelain Dolls."

Rule #12:

It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Don't settle for just a step ladder — what he really wants is an extension ladder.

Rule #13:

Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why, please refer to Rule #6. (Remember what happens when he gets a label maker?)

Rule #14:

Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8-inch manilla rope.

Rule #15:

Buy your man duct tape. This is a man's most universal repair tool. All men know, if you can't fix it, duct tape it!

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I hope this message has the same effect on you as it did on me - then my forwarding it will be worth the effort. Walk with me by the water - worth the read...

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLDER: post-300-0-05392200-1307568320_thumb.jpg

$hit...

I forgot the words....

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I hope this message has the same effect on you as it did on me - then my forwarding it will be worth the effort. Walk with me by the water - worth the read...

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLDER: post-300-0-05392200-1307568320_thumb.jpg

$hit...

I forgot the words....

:hahaha: :hahaha: :whoope: :hahaha: :whaaaa:

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:hahaha: :hahaha: :whoope: :hahaha: :whaaaa:

You can identify with that huh Terry????

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You can identify with that huh Terry????

ooooh yeah baby! :yuk-yuk:

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My wife doesn't joke much but she just came up with this one...not any funnier in Portuguese

than in English:

What starts with N and ends in R and you would never want to call a black person?

>

>

>

>

>

Neighbor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Us Blacks can tell jokes about you White people too you know...

"White guy goes into a shop to buy some groceries, he pays for everything and walks out without stealing a single thing or without shooting anyone dead."

Ha ha ha ha.

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Not too far off the m crap!! forgot what I was saying.:olddude::hahaha::hahaha::hahaha:

ooooh yeah baby! :yuk-yuk:

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NEVER hide in a culvert during a Tornado warning ....

ESPECIALLY in Texas!!

A Texas Power & Light crew, putting in lines

for an addition to the Hallettsville Airport , found

the following in a culvert they were using...

See the two (2) pictures below:

Picture # 1:

post-300-0-94734600-1307976328_thumb.jpg

post-300-0-43475300-1307976405_thumb.jpg

The gator is/was 18' 2" long.

The rattlesnake roundup totaled 87..

We thank Texas Power & Light for sharing these pictures.

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NEVER hide in a culvert during a Tornado warning ....

ESPECIALLY in Texas!!

A Texas Power & Light crew, putting in lines

for an addition to the Hallettsville Airport , found

the following in a culvert they were using...

See the two (2) pictures below:

Picture # 1:

post-300-0-94734600-1307976328_thumb.jpg

post-300-0-43475300-1307976405_thumb.jpg

The gator is/was 18' 2" long.

The rattlesnake roundup totaled 87..

We thank Texas Power & Light for sharing these pictures.

Well Don

I darn sures L guarintee if someone got in a culvert they'd

be coming out of there faster than the tornado was going..

RJ

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Great pics Don..WOW..that is one big lizard! :yikes:

Bit of checking says that the images are genuine but they were taken separately. Then someone

put them together and created the story about Texas Power & Light.

Don't really care who took the pics, I hate rattlers and oversized lizards equally. If a

tornado came by I think it could suck you out of that pipe just like a soda through a straw,

but, it's probably better than being out in the open when that twister rolls by!

Mike

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5 PEARLS OF SCOTTISH WISDOM

1. Money cannot buy happiness but... somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than it is

on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name.

3. Help a man when he is in trouble & he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

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5 PEARLS OF SCOTTISH WISDOM

1. Money cannot buy happiness but... somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than it is

on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name.

3. Help a man when he is in trouble & he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

:hahaha: :hahaha: :blink: :whaaaa: :whoope:

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5 Indicators You're A Okie(Oklahoman)

1. You have your wedding reception at the waffle house.

2. You spit on your own floor.

3. You had a receeding hairline in the 6th grade.

4. You have 3 first names.

5. The garbage man doesn't know what goes and what stays.

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Hahahhahaaaa! I must have had lots of Okie's living around me when I was growing up. Most of the time I couldn't tell what was the good stuff or the trash. But as a kid I did like picking thru it and starting my own collection.

Then I'd take it all apart to the smallest pieces possible and shoot them into the woods with my sling shot or throw them off the bridge into the river.

That was in Ohio. Hmm, just realized I hope that doesn't mean I'm an Okie from Ohio. Haha!

Paul

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An old maid was held up in a dark alley. She explained she had no money, but the robber insisted that

it must be in her bra and started feeling around.

"I told you I haven't got any money," the spinster said, "but if you keep doing that, I'll write you a

check."

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