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How I handle day to day pitfalls.....

I take life with a grain of salt,... plus a slice of lemon and a shot

of tequila, repeat if necessary.

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This is for Kaimi and our Sister...

Irish Confessional

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church..

There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to

confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side !

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Old Biker Bill....

A duded-up city rider walks into Gunner's Lounge in Sturgis, SD. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider bravely asks the old biker, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?' The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'

Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight.

He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chili.

The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.

Old biker Bill quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.......

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Old Biker Bill....

A duded-up city rider walks into Gunner's Lounge in Sturgis, SD. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider bravely asks the old biker, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?' The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'

Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight.

He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chili.

The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.

Old biker Bill quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.......

Now that was funny :yuk-yuk:

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Looking for a job with good pay...no boss's in your face...lots of excitement????

http://video.yahoo.com/network/101149635?v=8244494&l=5144241 <http://video.yahoo.com/network/101149635?v=8244494&l=5144241>

Don, Thanks, but no thank you, I have trouble just climbing into my truck some mornings!!! :olddude:

Maybe 35 years ago, I might have gone for that kind of job, but not now!! :olddude:

Skip

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I climbed up a couple of 250 footers when I was young and dumb to change light bulbs on them. The 400 footer was a little more intense but I got it done. Of course no safety equipment at all, just jump on and climb up. Wouldn't catch me doing that now. The view was great.

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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the

bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet,

not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball.'

Man: 'That's nice!'

Boy: 'Want to buy it?'

Man: 'No, thanks.'

Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'

Man: 'OK, how much?'

Boy: '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in

the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'

Man: 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'

Boy: '$750.'

Man: 'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go

outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says, 'I can't; I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'

Boy: '$1,000.'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like

that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to

church, to confession.'

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the

confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The priest says, 'Don't start that crap again; you're in my closet now.'

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Greatest Prank Call Ever! TomMabe.com Murder Scene

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post-300-089011300 1286546990_thumb.gif

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

...and how was your day?

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post-300-089011300 1286546990_thumb.gif

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

...and how was your day?

Aloha Garimpo,

So, would you consider this having a "Brain Fart Moment"! :inocent: Sorry, just couldn't pass up the opportunity for this pun.

Aloha,

Stan aka Ka'imi

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Arab on treadmill....don't you dare laugh!!!!

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When you hear the corn, it's time to run!

REDNECK FIRE ALARM post-300-083205900 1287081330_thumb.jpg

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are!!!!!

You never have to change the batteries!!! I just might put one in every room!

Safety First!

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A Charity Pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and

Homosexuals descended into chaos last night when someone

shouted ‘HE’S BEHIND YOU’.

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Mexican Jews

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles one day. Sid asks Al, "Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico ?" Al replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter arrives, Al asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" The waiter says, "I don't know, Senor, I ask the cooks." He returns from the kitchen a few minutes later and says, "No, Senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."

Al isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?" The waiter, realizing he is dealing with 'Gringos,' replies, "I check once again, Senor."

While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico . Our people are scattered everywhere."

The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook say there is no Mexican Jews." Al asks, "Are you certain? I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews."

The exasperated waiter says, "Senor, I ask EVERYONE... all we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews and Tomato Jews!"

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

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Great info for bar bets....

You could say healthy sperm is a hard core athlete with serious staying power. It takes a sperm one hour to swim seven inches. Although ejaculate travels at 28 miles per hour during its initial spurt. (For reference, 27.1 mph is the world record for the 100 yard dash).

Why? To get the job done, of course. Sperm are on a mission to fertilize, so the heartier the better. Not to mention the more the merrier. Did you know that studies show that throughout a man’s lifetime he will ejaculate approximately 18 quarts of semen. (That’s half a trillion sperm.)

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Military Preparing for An End to 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'

As an enlisted sailor, I don't feel that the Navy is advancing me in rank fast enough, so I'm

going to change my last name to Stains.

My guess is they would rather promote me than to have to refer to me as Seaman Stains.

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dang! I just spit coffee all over the frigging computer again Gar! :yuk-yuk: Terry

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