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Mike Furness    540

Someone had a lot of fun putting that old advertising together! Kudos!

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garimpo    1,631

                                           HERE YA GOGH     

Van Gogh's Family Tree ...
 
His dizzy aunt -- Verti Gogh
 
The brother who ate prunes -- Gotta Gogh
 
The brother who worked at a convenience store -- Stop N. Gogh
 
The grandfather from Yugoslavia -- U Gogh
 
The cousin from Illinois -- Chica Gogh
 
His magician uncle -- Where Diddy Gogh
 
His Mexican cousin -- A. Mee Gogh
 
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother -- Gring Gogh
 
The nephew who drove a stage coach -- Wells Far Gogh
 
The constipated uncle -- Cant Gogh
 
The ballroom dancing aunt -- Tang Gogh
 
The bird lover uncle -- Flamin Gogh
 
His nephew psychoanalyst -- E Gogh
 
The fruit loving cousin -- Man Gogh
 
An aunt who taught positive thinking -- Way To Gogh
 
The little bouncy nephew -- Poe Gogh
 
A sister who loved disco -- Go Gogh
 
And his niece who travels the country in a van -- Winnie Bay Gogh
 
.....And there ya Gogh!

                              

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garimpo    1,631
The Pharmacist
 
 
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,   "It's the druggist.  He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call
 multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him,   "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

 "Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."  "When I finally got to the store a bunch
 of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with
 a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.   And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."
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garimpo    1,631

MY KIND OF GIRL...

 

A little girl was talking to her father.  "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?
                                    
Thelma's father thinks a bit then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"The whole ISIS group," she says.
"Why them?" her father asks in shock.
 "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give them a valentine, they might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.  And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent valentines to them, they'd love everyone a lot.  And then they'd start going all over the place telling everyone how much they loved them and how they didn't hate anyone anymore."
 
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride.
"Thelma, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
 
"I know," Thelma says, "and once that gets them out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of them." 
 
 
 
 
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garimpo    1,631

                                                                                                           TREE HUGGER IN IT

 

 

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garimpo    1,631
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.  He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic.  Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000."

  
 
Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.  So he went to Dr.Geezer's clinic.

  
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth.  Can you please help me?
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."Dr. Young:  Aaagh!! -- "This is Gasoline!

  
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!  You've got your taste back. That will be $500.
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
 
 

Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

 
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from 
box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
 
 
 

Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
 
 

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!  You've got your memory back.  That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after now having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

 
 
Dr. Young:  "My eyesight has become weak --- 

I can hardly see anything!"

 
 
Dr. Geezer:  "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill).

 
 

Dr. Young:  "But this is only $10!"

 
 

Dr. Geezer:  "Congratulations!  You got your 

vision back!  That will be $500."

 
 

Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"!

 
 

Remember:  Don't make old people mad.

 We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.

  
 

P.S. Written in BOLD print for Old Geezers.
 


  
 
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DGnyIP7W0AA4-5e.jpg

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 You sure that's the right word?DGvNO5dXsAIy8G-.jpg

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homefire    1,542
13 hours ago, weaver hillbille said:

 You sure that's the right word?DGvNO5dXsAIy8G-.jpg

Spell Check Strikes Again !

Edited by homefire
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