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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

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The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

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You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

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n case we find ourselves starting to believe all the Anti-American

sentiment and negativity, we should remember England ' s Prime Minister

Tony Blair ' s words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his

Parliament members why he believes so much in America , he said: ' A

simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in..

And how many want out. '

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If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

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Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? :unsure:

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Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker :innocent0002:

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Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? :brows:

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This is worth knowing......

Reheat Pizza - Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza.

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Subject: A government big enough to give you everything you want...!!!

There was a Chemistry professor in a large college that had

some exchange students in the class. One day while the class

was in the lab the Prof noticed one young man (exchange student)

who kept rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt.

The professor asked the young man what was the matter.

The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had

been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were

trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new

communist government.

In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a

strange question. He asked, 'Do you know how to catch wild

pigs?'

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line.

The young man said this was no joke. 'You catch wild pigs by finding

a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground.

The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn.

When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down

one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they

get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you

put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start

to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence

up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, who are used to the free

corn, start to come through the gate to eat, you slam the gate on

them and catch the whole herd.

Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and

around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to

eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten

how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their

captivity.

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees

happening to America . The government keeps pushing us toward

socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs

such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco

subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare,

medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms - just a

little at a time.

One should always remember: There is no such thing as a free Lunch!

Also, a politician will never provide a service for you cheaper than you

can do it yourself. Also, if you see that all of this wonderful government

'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you

might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is

essential to your way of life then you will probably delete this email, but

God help you when the gate slams shut! In this "very important" election

year, listen closely to what the candidates are promising you - just maybe

you will be able to tell who is about to slam the gate on America.

"A government big enough to give you everything you want,

is big enough to take away everything you have." - Thomas Jefferson

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Been out in the boonies for awhile......... this is good keep'm comin

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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

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Why do drive up ATM buttons have braille symbols?

If you have your girlfriend with you...use one hand for the "withdrawal" and one hand for

the "deposit"?....

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Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? :sick0021:

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Sex in the shower

In a recent survey carried out for leading toiletries firm 'Brut', people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

A huge 86% of Detroit residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower. . . . The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison. :Huh_anim]:

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If you work in an office try this:

Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten

Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

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End result ... Office Excitement! :woohoo: And maybe some work gets done faster?! :innocent0009: :;): :zapped:

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If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

Now that's a good one! :laught16::laught16:

Aloha,

Stan aka Kaimi

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There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. :sadwalk:

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Only in America .....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the

process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning

'bloodsucking creatures'.?

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"In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" a guy asks

> >>

> >> The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

> >>

> >> The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask

you

> >> something.

> >>

> >> "If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was

> >> Italian?

> >>

> >> Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was

> >> German?

> >>

> >> Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was

Jewish?

> >>

> >> Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

> >>

> >> If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

> >>

> >> The clerk says, "Well, no, I probably wouldn't!"

> >>

> >>

> >> With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then, why

> >> did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?"

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot"

> >>

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Now THAT really tickled my 100% Polish funny bone!

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